Sufficient Rain

Dear Diary...

It's tough, you know. Writing out someone who has been so efficiently inked onto pages and pages of your life. Papering your memory and scrawled across every fragment of every moment the two of you shared. It's particularly difficult to set the stage for what comes next when you have so many voices calling out from the wings. Telling you what to do, what to think, what to feel. Because in the end, sure, they may have given you input and planted the idea, but ultimately you are the one responsible for your own actions. And despite what you'd do for anyone else, they are the sole owner of theirs. You can't fix regrets that haven't happened yet any more than you can fix the ones that have. Because no matter what anyone tells you, you won't know whether or not you'll regret an action until after the fact. Unless it's stupid. Then the obvious answer is be intelligent and steer clear of it. But here's the thing, I have no idea as to wether my present ideas are stupid or not...Do I stick around? I've always been the girl who hung on. I can hold out against anything. Really. I can. And I know I can. That's why I am able to make so many things work that other people have given up on. I'll fight with every bit of me for something because I KNOW that there is a solution and I can find it. But do I want to put up with all of this? I know I deserve better. And I know that what I had has the potential to be so much more...So do I hang on and hold out and hope for that?...I could do that. But. I have been through this before. And it doesn't matter how much effort I'm willing to put in if it's not a two way street. Indecision and a hesitance to make things right might just kill it all. Which would be a terrible shame. It's not the first time I've had a love so deep for something so flawed. I have also been told that "The girl worth having won't wait for anyone." And I'll be honest, I was always the girl that no one could have. I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted with whomever I wanted and I was strong enough and brave enough to do it on my own if necessary. You grounded me. It's true. But I'm not sure if that is still a good thing. 

Because oh, how I can fly...

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I guess we'll see wether I go it alone or you help me pick us up, dust us off, and we become indestructible.

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Because if we make it through this, nothing will be able to break us.

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...

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So.

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We'll see.

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I haven't quite decided.

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Not yet.

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Persuade me.