Friday, April 12, 2013

Flying Again

For the first time in a long time I feel so wonderfully free! Both today and yesterday have been wildly productive and happy. I'm cooking like a champ, running like an olympian, dancing like...well, a fool in her underwear in my room, but in class I'm on FIRE. Painting, drawing, learning, laughing, and just being have all found their light again. And I think they're here to stay for a while. It's as though something had crossed in front of my way of looking at the world over the past five months and it's finally begun to ebb away. I can tell that it's not completely removed yet, but that means that as time runs on it'll only get lighter. I've carried a weight and my time with it is coming to a close. I'm so relieved. And nervous. But only because I have one less thing to tie me down, which means that I'll be drifting farther than I have in a while. Days are exciting again and nights not so lonely, though you'd think it'd be otherwise.

I have no explanation for what happened other than the fact that I did my very best. I hung on 'til things were so frayed that they couldn't be held together anymore. And I have no regrets. Not one.
I'm fully aware that things are not perfect. But they never have been and it'll take far more effort that any one human being could muster to polish away all the grime. So I am here. I am myself again. I am starting from a higher point and I am honest about it. And that is more than enough.

To you, if you're reading this, I hope that you find what you're looking for. And I hope that it's more than you want, because you seem to sell yourself short. You shouldn't. And you shouldn't sell others short either. They're worth more than you believe and you deserve to be treated the same way they do. If you need me you'll know where to find me, though I'm sure I'll be out and about. That doesn't mean I won't be there. It just means you'll have to do a bit more work to find me. 

Always your friend, but never your excuse, Jessica.

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