Revolting

I am a person.

I am not an object.
I am not a privilege.
I am not an entitlement.
I am not entertainment.
I am not aesthetic.
I am not incomplete.
I am not yours.

I am a woman.

I am a force.
I have an opinion.
I do not decrease in value.
I am not my appearance.
I possess answers.
I am strong individually.
I belong to no one.

Never again will an attempt to take advantage of my femininity be tolerated or quietly pushed aside. Be it by a man, a woman, or a group of individuals.

Flight

In all seriousness, dance is the closest I've come to true flight. After experiencing something so exhilarating how could I ever dream of giving it up?

About Boobs {Sorry, Gents.}

http://hellogiggles.com/flat-ter-your-beautiful-boobs-and-make-some-pancakes-already

I love this. I've honestly had such an inconsistent chest size throughout my life due to varying levels of athleticism, health issues, and medical diet changes. I went from being almost a D at age nineteen to just barely finding out a week ago that I'm back to being an A at twenty one. I also realized that I'm perfectly okay with it. So many of my girl friends have acted like someone has died whenever it gets brought up. Like I'm mourning my full chest. But I've realized that I really don't mind. I think I even prefer being flat chested at the moment just because I have an aversion to what I refer to as "The Big-Girl Bra," (basically anything with an underwire or padding.) I prefer comfort. There are pros and cons to either end of the spectrum, so I might as well love the pros I've got while I have them. I think that we as women so easily forget our own beauty comes from our individuality, particularly when faced with the media's portrayal of "idealism." So thank you, Ellen Clifford, for your honest, tasteful, and good humored post. :)

Don't Touch Me.

You know her.

The girl who is all roses and smiles.
She won't always show teeth when she grins and finds that unnatural is the sound of anger.
Despite this, the closest you'll actually get to her is transparency.

If you're looking at every inch of a thing, microscopes and autopsies will show that to grab on distorts the image. Cutting off blood flow. Marring detail. Changing. So are you really holding her? Or is she only the unattainable image? The closest you can get to cradling that is to take a picture. Which time will eat away at with hungry lights and burning tongues and settling grime. Who is she? The face in the frozen moment? Or the moment you see through a faded 2D 4X6 window cracked and wrinkled by the wallet it folded into? If the face, then she's gone. Age made her a new one. If the moment, she became someone else in the next.
Everyone has a separate reality. What appears to one is entirely different from what appears to another. The eyes that view a thing find separate parallels. Two lines on the same plane arriving at completely different destinations.

I don't want you to have any part of my soul because you don't know what it means.

On Perfection and the World's Abuse of It

     Soapboxes are overrated. And besides, I don't know if a soapbox could actually support the weight of this issue. I have become rather hyper aware of the media's portrayal of beauty. Thin waist, big boobs, long legs, silky soft yet thick hair, massive eyes, luscious lips, the recent obsession over the "thigh gap," airbrushed skin, and a general absence of any flaw anywhere. Not even one that might add character.

     These physical attributes are not a bad thing. There are people out there who possess them. They are beautiful. But so is everyone else. I don't care if you have one, all, or none. There is, undeniably, beauty about you. The problem is, the women we commonly see being used to portray this level of so-called perfection don't even necessarily have all of the traits displayed. Photoshop, my friends, is a cleverly implemented lie. Yes, it can be artistic, yes it can be a great way to make minor adjustments. But if it's being used to distort someone's appearance beyond practicality? Abuse.

     I am not trying to attack anyone. I merely am aware that the present direction things are taking is unhealthy. It is. People have died over it. It's upsetting to me that young girls who are trying to enjoy life and take their place in the world are finding themselves inadequate because they don't have the bones of a 5'10" 100 lb. supermodel or the curves of a modern day pin up. I will not say names, because it is not fair for us to address the issue of saying a woman's form of beauty isn't adequate by stating that another woman's figure is overly so. Just as I cannot take sides on the heavier or thinner issue. There is no wrong size. We are all human. It's unavoidable.

     Yes, there are unhealthy habits. Many of us practice at least one. Even being hyper aware of your physical health can be unhealthy in its way. Just because you have curves doesn't mean you should put down anyone for being thin. And just because you are thin doesn't mean you have the right to judge someone for weighing more. The figures you see in front of you each have a life behind them that has helped make them who they are. Do not disrespect someone's appearance. We are all strong. We are all lovely. We are all human and WE MATTER. It's much easier to be negative towards someone who's soul you haven't taken the time to understand. Give them compassion, because that is what you deserve.

     We are all beautiful. And there will always be people who find us beautiful no matter what. I have passed people in the streets who were by no means perfect, but despite their flaws, I found them stunning. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and your eyes are someone's own form of perfection. There is no uniform standard. The kinder you are, the harder you work, the deeper you understand others, these will increase your ability to see the beauty that many are forgetting about. The only way we can shake the monumental falsehood that is physical perfection is by reassessing it's necessity and definition. Open your eyes. Notice color and life again. Because it is so much better and bigger and exciting than anything we can imagine. It's more difficult. But it's worth it.

Essentially, I'm Sorry.

When a relationship unravels it's not the end. The end is a choice. You or the other party has to make choices that define an ending. 

I'm about to elaborate.

An unraveling is painful and can be catastrophic, yes. A gaping wound anchored in the pit of your being and radiating outward. When in this condition or similar I am led to believe that we revert back to more primal instincts. Wether our mind thrusts these upon us to distract from the injury or we do it consciously, I have noticed patterns accompanying emotional disruption. Binge eating, lust, fatigue, great desire for material possession, indescribable anger, unreasonable envy, and monumental pride. All seven just as deadly as they were before. However, in this case, gluttony is no longer merely a sin but a symptom. An effect of a damaged sense of emotional wellness. 

Symptoms of an emotional nature must be tempered in a way that will not only treat the underlying issue, but will also eradicate the urge to react in manners destructive to ones relationship with others. For example, when a mother and a child argue over the child's ability to exercise independence in a way that exhibits maturity and the child storms off, refusing to admit fault, greater damage is done. Pride and anger take the stage and we see the rift grow in consequence. This rift will remain in place until such a time that one or both parties are drawn to soften and yield to admittance, forgiveness, and assumption of responsibility. Using these they can bridge the gap that time will gradually fill in. 

Consider time as one would consider the elements: unpredictable, and wearing on surroundings. Should the building of the bridge be delayed there are multiple variables that may have effect on the uneven grounds before repairs are able to be made. Case A being that it may fill very gradually as time goes on, with case B being that it may deepen or fill with impassable emotion. In either scenario, time and connection that might have been spared if but for an effort are lost. 

Communication is paramount in any interpersonal relation. The ability to discuss rationally as well as passionately should be a trait sought out by those endeavoring to form a solid bond. 

Humanity recognizes these attributes as virtues. Therefore it strengthens a relationship when the foundation is inclusive of not only the initial bond forged between two people, but the continuation of that bond through patient analysis of any disruption. This should then be tempered by the deeper knowledge of one another which should then be taken into consideration as the bond is reinforced and made anew. Over time, the gradual breaking down and repairing of a relationship is comparable to that of a muscle. When done properly, efforts will be rewarded with renewed and increased strength. When injured, successful recovery and improvement is possible, but requires patience and attention. 

I am not perfect and am so fortunate to have someone who is willing to acknowledge that in a loving way. I hope and endeavor to become a wiser, thoughtful, and well rounded person. I thank those who remind me of this and assist me in my goals.

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