Soldi

Money. 

Gah. I understand the necessity of it, but I wish so badly that it weren't such a problem. I hate feeling like I cannot afford school, food, a home. The necessities of life. It is something that greatly distresses me. I wish I could just send an e-mail to Bill Gates and say "Hey, Mr. Gates! I am wondering if you could spot me just until I'm able to finish school. I work hard, apply for scholarships, and busted my butt before coming down to school, but I sort of experienced some health problems that really hurt me financially and are still doing so. Heck, I can't even get proper treatment for them because I can't afford it....So, if you aren't too busy, and it's not too much trouble for you, then maybe you could give me a hand. I would appreciate it an awful lot. Thanks so much for your consideration and time, Mr. Gates. Sincerely, Jessica"....-Sigh- We'll all float on okay though! I'm just going to chin up, keep smiling and do my best to continue doing what is required of me. Things will work out. I can do this.

Wanderlust and Ruin

Cambodia

I am pulled to journey.

I have such a desire to sit in the middle of a ruin and sketch it out, paint it, and take it all in, because I know it won't last forever and I want to always have a reminder.

Always

This made me sob.

My heart just bleeds for him.

The humanity of Snape is one of the most beautifully portrayed essences of the journey that is Harry Potter. And that is quite a role to have played, as Harry Potter became something that defined an entire generation throughout the world. It's not just a phase we went through, it's a lesson we learned. Something that we incorporated into the period of time that reformed us as a people. It's a defining factor in a group of youth that will one day aid in the running and shaping of this world.

Through these books and movies, through this journey, I learned to believe in magic.

I was taught to have hope when all seemed lost. I know that those who have gone on never truly leave us, and that our friends can be our greatest strengths (or weaknesses) when our own strength is not enough. Not everyone is who they seem, and even the brightest and purest hero has a past. What makes them a hero is what they have chosen to do with the time they have left. The thing that truly matters is what we do with our future. Do not discard anyone, because they may just be the thing that holds us together and prepares us for our most difficult battle.

Love is the greatest gift.

On another note, long live Alan Rickman!

~Jessica

To Want

Lepidoptera

Know that when you feel like life will never go back to being as good as it once was it is because it never will. This is because it is in the process of becoming better. Every caterpillar has to spend a time in the darkness before it becomes a butterfly. For each one, things start out simple. Life is lived day to day, no task other than to take it all in. Then there comes a time when you know that things are no longer going to stay the same. Changes surround you completely and you shut yourself away from the world, because you need some time to figure out what and who you truly are. Sometimes that darkness and solitude are so overwhelming that you want to shrink to nothing. But this is not the end. You are to become something so much more. The day will come when you are ready. On that day, you'll greet the world having transformed into something that you never thought you were capable of being. Something magnificent and wonderful. And then you'll know that it was worth the short trip through the dark. Just wait it out, hold on, and know that you are capable of something impossible.

One Day, I intend to fly away. And from that vantage point, I will realize that I had only ever crawled.

How Lucky I Am

You are the one thing that I believe I would be perfectly okay to fall endlessly into. 

I Trust You 

more than I trust myself and 

I Love You

more than I quite know how.

I am cognitively aware of the fact that I am frequently wrong and generally hold great potential to cause a mess. However, this makes me realize that, although I am not always as put together and polished as I would like myself to be, 

you have never failed to hold me together and love me, seeing through my walls to the person you know I can & am working to be. 

I Want so much 

to be the same to you. 

You are my very best friend.

Thank You 

For Being a never ending supply 

of the Thing I Need Most in this world. 

Not everyone understands our relationship, and you know what, they don't need to. 

It's ours for a reason. 

And, oh, I am glad.

So glad.

For everything.

{The Little Things}

*Being the biggest dorks around and not caring at all
*Sushi at Hibachi on weekdays between two and five
*Watching Doctor Who episodes together all afternoon
*Making REALLY good food from scratch and enjoying it
*Rocking our classy vintage attire simply because we can
*Taking me to see the Ririe Woodbury Dance performance
*Those moments where we're ridiculous and laugh about us



{The Big Things}

*That moment on your birthday one year ago
[You know which one I'm talking about]
*The fact that I trust you more than anyone in the world
*The fact that you taught me to trust again
*The way we took our relationship seriously in a mature way
*The way you have stuck with me despite my seizures.
[I know {I KNOW} That is absolutely not easy
for you at all. You are the best man I know and I
cannot say that I know anyone else who would
absolutely do the same thing for me. That is just one
way that you have shown me and continue to show
me every day that you honestly do love and care for me
*That you can admit when you're wrong and have the ability
to laugh about it with me when I am.
*That you tell me I'm beautiful on days when I haven't quite
showered just yet and am one big, sloppy, mess of a girl.
*When we're realizing that something about our relationship
isn't perfect (no one's is) and we sit and talk about it, which
leads to us sitting and talking about anything and everything.
Which generally leads to us sitting and laughing about everything.

Vous avez mon coeur.

La Histoire

For reasons entirely my own I greatly desire a vintage rampage. I just love it. So much. Can someone please give me a hand here? Cause I may need some extra sanity in order to preserve my own. I just...nngah. I want to have my own house with rooms that I can fill with interesting and beautiful antiques and things I have made. I always want everything to have a story. I can't help but feel that perhaps everything should. Stories are so wonderful, and with everything now being manufactured in factories with shiny, new, freshly colored plastic I often feel that I am wanting more. Which is why I am so delighted to find something as wonderful as the book I happened to pick up yesterday, Won By Waiting by Edna Lyall. It was written and published in the late 1800's and was her first book. I have an original copy, not a re-print, but an original. A red, worn, cover with a symbol stamped into the front of it. Gorgeous. Or the framed newspaper from the 1800's, complete with a certificate of authenticity, proudly hanging on my wall over my treasured Underwood typewriter. Truthfully, I may have no money left should I keep this up.