The Disabling Safe

     I've been told all my life that my dreams are impractical. I can't afford them, they're not going to make me successful, I've started too late, I'm not able, and I won't be happy. I should realize that I need to be an adult and settle down. That the authorities are always right and that one day they'll domesticate me. If it's not something that generates mass amounts of revenue then it's not worth my time.

     But when has money ever made me laugh or dance or feel anything more than safe? And really, how important is safe? How healthy is safe? Did safe ever play with fire or feeling or flight? I don't think I want safe. I want a life. 

     I want to wake up in the morning and hit the ground running because I need to climb higher. I want my choices to propel me forward and to incite action. Just because I don't want safe doesn't mean I don't need to be sure. But I don't want being sure to be everything. Because the day I am content with only what I am sure of is the day I stop looking further. The day the sky loses potential and the ocean is simply its surface.

Beyond Number

I love being in the mountains.
Or in any one of the wilder places still left in the world.
Especially at night, because it makes me feel so very, very big.

It was always strange to me that people felt small when looking at the stars.
I could understand why, I just didn't feel the same. Quite the opposite.
Because I knew that in one tiny pinprick of sky there were hundreds and millions of stars.
Beyond what I could physically see were other galaxies containing so much more than mine, or so physics says. They're so far away that it would take many human lifespans to reach even their edges. That's just in one tiny pinprick.

In one fallen and decomposing log are hundreds of lifeforms, all biologically complex and fascinating. Breaking things down and becoming something different. What people most often fail to realize about endings is that new life often comes into being through the skin of things since past. And in that lies the devastating beauty of existence. Such an amount of change requires tremendous effort though, and that takes many hours of work from millions of different sources. Everything you can see and feel and hear is teeming with the complexities that make up life. We haven't even discovered all of them and thinking about it has the ability to overwhelm.

I know this, and rather than it overwhelming me, it empowers me. I feel so BIG. Because of all of the many building blocks of life I am here, I am conscious, and I am going try to gain further comprehension. Humans are such wonderful, terrible, fascinating things. We want to be more. We want to see farther, to run faster, be better, last longer and climb higher. It's in our DNA. We reach out to each other consciously and fight for the rights of those lacking. Of course there are two sides to every coin, but that isn't the focus of this post. Still, I will acknowledge it. We are not perfected, but that is beautiful in and of itself. It leaves room for development and improvement.

Of everything that surrounds me I am here, now. And I am powerful. I can speak and write and think independently. I can move people using my words and move mountains using my hands. I am noteworthy and I am able to make a change. I initiate ripples that then have an effect on my surroundings. With knowing all of this, how can I feel small?

I feel infinite.

I'm Tired

Sometimes life just gets to you, ya know?

It's perfectly normal. It's to be expected.

But I wouldn't mind a break right now.

That'd be too easy though.

I can carry a lot more than people think.

I can carry a lot more than I know.

I miss doing aerial every day.

If I could just find a place that would let me set up my silks...

Then I'd have flight to free my mind for a bit.

Etoile

I have never wanted to be vulnerable...until now.

All I Need

Revolting

I am a person.

I am not an object.
I am not a privilege.
I am not an entitlement.
I am not entertainment.
I am not aesthetic.
I am not incomplete.
I am not yours.

I am a woman.

I am a force.
I have an opinion.
I do not decrease in value.
I am not my appearance.
I possess answers.
I am strong individually.
I belong to no one.

Never again will an attempt to take advantage of my femininity be tolerated or quietly pushed aside. Be it by a man, a woman, or a group of individuals.

Flight

In all seriousness, dance is the closest I've come to true flight. After experiencing something so exhilarating how could I ever dream of giving it up?